anything under the sun..... and over it

i hate it when

helluvagrl1981 — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 08:46:37 +0000

My sentiment started when a long term relationship of mine ended. True, I have experienced all types of misery, pain and anguish one could get out of a failed relationship. I have denied, wallowed and puked pain at its worse. I admit that I behaved like one of those movie character we often see who just can’t seem to talk about anything other than her breakup experience. I have been all that and so much more. There was a time that I know some people would have found me annoying and irritating in all my ramblings about how unfairly I was treated. Knowing that I can now admit those past behaviors of mine. I am proud to say that I am truly, honestly am over that somewhat sad part of my life.
What I am hating right now is the fact that when I was so full of misery, pain and all, people just don’t want to hear about it and now that I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t think it’s that important anymore comes people who just can’t stop mentioning the “D” word. I really feel that the topic is so overly used. It really doesn’t matter anymore it’s all in the past. Come on lets all get over the topic.
Of course I can’t deny that “D” was one of the highlights in my life, heck! He was my first in so many aspects in my life. We’ve shared so many special moments but I would like to think that his purpose in my life was done and over with. He will always be a part me and that’s that. I have so many things going on for me and I think that people most especially those who are close to me should realize that. Please don’t ever think that whatever’s happening with me now is still somehow connected with “D”. Please don’t give the topic that much undeserved attention. I will try not to speak about this again so please try not to overanalyze me. Please don’t keep dragging the “D” word in anything that I say or do because I don’t find it amusing anymore. That was part of the past already and whatever I am doing now whether I am screwing up or achieving anything it doesn’t have anything to do with “D”. There are far too many things I have to offer can’t you just concentrate on that?
For the last time please take heed… I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Stop making assumptions.

On Friendship

helluvagrl1981 — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 02:29:36 +0000

Last Friday, I went out to have coffee with a long time friend. Just like before no matter how long we have not seen each other we remain close. I could prove this because in all those years everytime we go out for a chat we would always lose track of time. I mean, we got to the coffee shop at around 7:30pm and when i asked her about the time a while after we both were amazed for it was a little before midnight! So that got me thinking… What were the things that we talked about that we got so carried away? Then I realized that everything that we talked about made sense and the way that we talked seemed to have purified me. i felt recharged. I am lucky because i have that kind of friendship.

I have had my fair share of meeting different kinds of people. But rarely do I meet a person who i can truly call trustworthy, sincere and interested. I have realized that in order for me to trust someone totally i have to know that one is sincere in all the things she speaks of and interested in knowing the real me. For there are people i know who will ask me about what i am doing, how i am doing for the sake of “just asking” and I really hate that!

Lately, i have been contemplating a lot and i realized that i am really gullible.. I mean i often misassociate having fun with friendship. My point really is this, when i have fun with someone i easily fall prey and treat these fun people as my friends, when i know that these people doesn’t really have any idea of who and what i am. All for fun’s sake. I know now that it’s not a good foundation of a lasting friendship. But i guess it’s too late for me to regret. It has already backfired on me..

For me the hardest part of being friends with a person is when one is unable to keep the trust. Cases when one keeps saying one thing yet doing the absolutely opposite thing, or when a situation demands a friend to be loyal but fails to act on it. I know some who would willingly exchange friendship for love and risk hurting a friend. Personally, I lose interest with the friendship the moment i see that something like that is bound to happen. I practically screech off! There was one time when i tried working out the friendship but it just won’t do anymore because i don’t feel comfortable anymore. So i left and have not regretted it. More of regretting the time, money and effort i have wasted.

When it comes to friendship i have really high expectations…

A friendship were i could be comfortable to do anything that i want to or say what i want to without the fear of being criticized or judge about it

A friendship that withstands time

A friendship that is never awkward

A friendship that nurtures and will forever feel like home

Most of all a friendship that would make me feel good about myself..

Stereotype Ideology

helluvagrl1981 — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 08:53:38 +0000

I have always been the type who doesn’t judge something based on outside packaging. I hate being stereotyped myself so i guess i have to be consistent on everything. It doesn’t matter how big or small the deal is. Being judged before you can even show what you’ve got really sucks! Here are some instances that i usually encounter from the stuck up, almighty, self glorifying, dumb and shallow stereotypers:

I have been a smoker for about 3 years. Most of my friends have known me and accepted me for that but everytime i encounter people who thinks that “ladies who smoke are wild” and looks at me as if i’m an outsider, I just want to bang their heads at the wall until they see that those “connotations” that comes with being a smoker can’t always be true. I have seen worst from people who don’t smoke and they are lucky not to be judged about it for being discrete? For not smoking? Of course I’m not advocating everyone who comes upon this article to smoke. Smoking is dangerous, btw, I just want you people to realize that you can’t judge someone because they smoke and you don’t.

I know someone who hates “Filipino Movies” she said she finds it “baduy and walang kwenta”. That’s why in her eyes if you watch filipino movies you’re also “baduy and walang kwenta”. Too much angst there. After hearing that I said to myself that I am never going to talk to that person anymore. She’s so dumb and I don’t want to waste my time trying to fathom her small mindedness. Admittedly, I know that there are lots of junk filipino movies but I don’t think it’s fair to judge someone base on their movie preferences. Not because one watches “shallow films”, not necessarily filipino movies, means that a person is shallow. For those who thinks this way I feel sorry for you for thinking that a person is shallow just for watching some movie. You are fooling yourself. No one can get shallower than you.

One Sunday morning a friend called me up and she was crying. She said that her bestfriend got angry with her over some guy. She said that her bestfriend can’t accept the guy as her boyfriend because the guy is “ugly” (the guy look like babalu without dentures). My! This situation has already become a cliche but still some are still so hard headed to accept the fact that “ugly” faces doesn’t mean ugly “characters”. Although I have met really ugly faces with an even uglier character it just means that one can never really tell a person’s character based on face value.

“Birds of the same feathers flock together” The worst saying I have ever heard. Not that I am contradicting the great mind behind this saying. Just that I have seen the way people get hurt by being judged from the kind of family they came from, from the school they graduated and even from their religion. I myself am guilty of judging someone because they are followers of “iglesia ni cristo and ang dating daan”(which i think is debatable and is worth writing about). Although guilty on some occassions I have also experienced being judged based from the family I came from (my family life is not as smooth sailing as people think) and this condemnation came from someone who i felt very close with. It was painful. I feel that all of us are entitled to weave a path for ourselves and while the group each of us belong to may or may not indicate anything about our characters people should have a mind to know that we all have our own unique individuality.

I have to thank a friend of mine who made a comment when I told her I was writing an article about stereotypers. She said it was impossible for me to do so because I am one. My point exactly! I am too often stereotyped as a stereotyper. I am what one would perceive as choosy, conservative, has a high opinion of herself, obsessed with following the norm and loves to criticize other’s fault. That’s how some people see me. I guess it has to do with my love for fashion and beautiful things which made some think that I am high maintenance. I love to dress up and it makes me feel good about myself which made some think I am vain. I have a good disposition which resulted to me having lots of friends which made some think that I must be rich. I always speak what’s on my mind without thinking first which made some think that I am a brat. The list will go on and on but if truth be told I am not high maintenance, I am easily delighted on little things. I am not that vain, I just have enough vanity for me to get through some of my insecurities. Though I speak my mind so boldly I have no qualms in listening and accepting other’s opinions. I could even practice those opinions provided my rebelious mind gets pacified. I have lots of friends not because I am filthy rich but because I know how to treat people right. Most of all just because I have good fashion sense doesn’t mean that I am rich. I am not rich. I live a very simple life and l have first hand experiences on having to tighten ones belt. These were the very reasons why I am practical and choosy. In all that people see in me there’s only one thing that stands. I can never accept being typecasted. It’s just so bloody discriminating and demeaning!